Attention Dating Disorder

What to do when you’re the non-ADHD partner in your relationship

Google “my partner has ADHD” and the search results could make you think people who have it aren’t capable of adult relationships. One site brags “Here’s how I fixed my husband” as if people with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder are broken. US World & News Report once reported that people we date should join a support group. Yes, our likelihood of getting a divorce is double. But lots of folks without Attention Deficit get divorced too.

As a single woman who was diagnosed at 15, I know what “Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder” implies: I will never pay attention to you. You are in a relationship with a fidgety flibbertigibbet who can’t sit still, who will always be late, who is completely incapable of finding her keys.

But that isn’t true. “Don’t assume that a relationship with a partner who has ADHD can’t be a successful one,” says Ruth Wilmot, a certified professional coach who counsels ADHD students at Landmark College. “People with ADHD are often extremely creative, fun, and exciting people to be around,” she says. Creative and exciting just have to be what you’re into.

If you do prefer a boring relationship, stop reading here — and stop dating people with the disorder. We don’t do boring. Our minds are neurologically engineered to avoid the…